Metacognition: Poetry

For the past few weeks we have been writing, and then rewriting, and then rewriting again, original poems. My first poem, I will admit, was absolutely terrible. It was cliched, boring, and arbitrary, in reality it was just kind of stupid. I didn't like it when I turned it in, I felt uncomfortable, I felt like I was abandoning a toddler in the middle of the desert and expecting it to survive even though it was completely inept. The only reason that I reluctantly turned it in was because I had read it to my mother and she told she really liked, so I trusted her opinion and followed through. This probably wasn't the best decision, but it was a decision none the less, and it was one I had to stand by. 

Needless to say the poem wasn't graded very well. So, when it was time for level two, I decided to scrap my first one and write an entirely new poem. My second poem, same as he first one, was written over the course of a school day with a little bit being written in each class, a stanza at a time, whenever something would come to my mind. The second poem, however, unlike the first, was about something very personal to me, it was about my brother.

The first time I wrote my second poem, I loved it. I was so proud of my poem and the way it moved, but it wasn't received very well. So we had to write it again, and then again, and after awhile I just got tired. I got tired of talking about my brother and I started to hate the poem so much that I dreaded working on it. I didn't want to change anything about it or add a stanza here or there because I was so tired of dealing with this issue. I hate that I feel like my brother and my parent's divorce are the only two things I ever write about, but that's what I know. And in the end, that's really all writing comes down to, describing an emotion, idea, or moment that you know best, but I feel like the things I know best aren't very interesting. I feel boring and my writing feels boring. I'm proud of all the work I have done on my poem, but I'm not proud of what it's about and I'm not proud that I know it's probably the best I could do, and it's still not very good.

Get Organized: Room Cleaning

This past week, my uncle, cousin, and her two children came to stay with us for Thanksgiving, which of course meant that I had to give up my room. This is how it's always been, whenever we have house guests they stay in my room because I am the only one out of my two siblings who has their own bathroom. Unfortunately, this also means that whenever company is coming, it puts me into a mad dash to clean my room. For someone who keeps almost all other aspects in their life in complete order, I've never understood why I allow my room to get so out of hand. But I do, and it's always a mess, but at least it's my mess. There is always order within the disorder that is my room and I have a constant general sense of where exactly everything is. I've found that when I do attempt to organize my room, I often end up outsmarting my self and putting things in logical, smart places, but then later forget where those places were. So as I was cleaning my room, a good three hour task, I got to look at all the ways that my past self was smarter than my current self, and all they ways that it was less intelligent as well. 

I'm usually apprehensive before starting an organizational project because I know it will lead to frustration and eat up a good deal of time, but I always end up really enjoying myself because I actually love to sort things. I enjoy putting things in places and making them look nice , and afterwards I constantly have a sense of accomplishment because I know that everything is where it should be. Then that sense of accomplishment turns into anger as I frantically search to find things I've hidden away from judgmental house guest eyes. Sometimes  I just don't understand why I do the things I do. I have no idea why I there is a tub full of every paper and handout I received last school year sitting under my desk, but there it is, quietly mocking me. Nor do I know why I have a drawer full of dance stuff when I always forget that I put my dance things in there and then end up having a panic attack before performances because I can't find any of it, even though it's all neatly stored away. It's amazing how rational and idiotic I can be at the exact same time.

One of the things I realized while cleaning was that I hold onto things for far longer than I should. This is probably one of my worst habits, because it just leads to excess clutter and my room being filled with bizarre things I haven't touched in ages. It's so hard for me to throw things away because I always get that terrifying, nagging question, "but what if I need it?"I constantly seem to come up with the most absurd justifications for keeping things I shouldn't, and then just end up feeling claustrophobic in my prison full of junk.  I need to learn to let things go and stop living my life in hypothetical "What if's". There is a time and a place for everything, and  a good majority of the things I own have lost their time, so therefore they must now lose their place. 

In conclusion, cleaning my room has shown me that I need to be more logical and less, for lack of a better word, stupid. Probably in all aspects of life, but especially in the state of my room.
 

Metacognition: Writing for fun

This year, thus far, has been a year of trial and error. It is always challenging to start a new class with a new teacher because you have to learn the teachers style and adapt your writing to suit their criteria. Different instructors look for different things and especially in high school, it always feels like you need to write more for a grade than for yourself. Which sounds odd, because of course you would want an A on an assignment but often times I feel like personal discovery is lost in school writing. I know that personally I have written many papers that I was very proud of and excited to turn in but never got very good grades on, and then there were assignments where I didn't believe a single thing I had written and hated every arbitrary word of the paper, but I would get a great grade on them.

However, this year feels different. I have never written a blog before this year in English and when we were first told about the assignment I wasn't so sure about it. I figured that it would just be another tedious project that added more stress and work to my life, but I was wrong. I've found that with every blog I write, I begin to enjoy writing more and more. I had forgotten was it was like to write for me and not my teacher. Especially now that we are older and understand, or at least are starting to understand, how to write well, we can start to play with the rules. Writing is fun and we need to remember that, not everything has to be a 20 page thesis research essay, and not everything has to be dry and boring. Mr. Allen reminded us that we can start a sentence with "but" and we can use "and" more than once because writing is all about craft. We can enjoy the things we write and craft them the way we want because that's the point of writing, to put into words our personal discoveries in a way that keeps them in their truest form. 

From the beginning of the school year until now I have remembered what it feels like to write for me, and not a teacher. Even though these blogs are technically for a grade, it doesn't feel like it because we get to write about, with some parameters, whatever we want. They allow us to write about what we find interesting and what we enjoy, which in turn allows us to enjoy that which we have written. I get excited now when we are assigned a blog post because I know it means that I will get to write for personal gain and exploration. Honestly, I feel like I have had more mental breakthroughs this year, than any other year before, because I am getting the chance to fully explore my thoughts. Of course this could be a dangerous thing if taken to the extreme and writing becomes all fun and no substance, so it is important to find a balance. But nonetheless, I fully intend to carry this lesson with me as I go through life, writing is fun and should be something that brings you joy, not stress. 

Blogging Around

Anna Hofmockel wrote a blog called An Inconvenient truth: Advertisements and Children , which was about the recent rise in childhood obesity and the fact that thought is was majorly linked to the negative influence of food advertisers. I responded with: You claim that the rise in obesity is due to food advertisers selling unhealthy foods, but what about those who market health foods? I was talking to my my friend's mom who is in the food advertisement business and she was talking about the fish company she helped. The name of the company was "Saucy Fish" and she instructed them to place their fish on black rather than white Styrofoam to make it look more appealing, and to package the fish with perfectly portioned sauce along with specific cooking instructions. Now, people who had been on the fence about buying healthy fish because they weren't sure how to prepare it had access to easy and tasty fish. Also, she talked about how much she enjoys her job because it is interesting to her and she loves what she does, not because of the amount of money she makes. So I think before we write off all food advertisements, we should take into account those that are actually doing good rather than bad for our society. 

Toby Klein wrote a blog called An Inconvenient Truth: Rape Screws Everyone, where she talked about rape/sexual assault and how it affected everyone involved, as well as some of it's negative affects on victims and statistics of rape. I responded: Toby, I could be wrong, but I thought I remembered you sharing a story last year about one of your friends who had been raped and decided not to press charges. I am asking because this blog seems very personal and I can tell that you feel very strongly about this topic. The title of your blog is rape screws everybody but you then go on to say that the rapists and predators don't think they have done anything wrong, so in what way are the screwed? I just want to know your opinion on the topic, because to me it seems that someone willing to do something so horrible to an innocent person would have to be mentally unstable, and therefore would have been "screwed" from birth, but by a force that was completely out of their control. I agree with you that rape is a terrible, terrible thing, I just would like to know what your definitions of "screwed" and "everybody" are. If my memory is correct and your friend was a victim of sexual assault then I truly hope that she is doing well, and I am extremely thankful that she has a friend like you to help her through such a horrible experience. 

iMedia: Holding On

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8fHlVm429g

This week in class we have been talking about poetry and what makes a poem, a poem. Someone brought up the idea that rap is a form of poetry, and while I agreed, I also thought it wasn't just rap that qualified as poetry, but all music. The song I have chosen to talk about is "Holding On" by David Gray. I picked this song because I felt that it was one the best examples of music being interpreted as poetry. When we talk about what makes up a poem we usually think of diction, variation and repetition, enjambment, stanzas, irony, paradox, imagery and rhythm. This song especially utilizes rhythm and enjambment in a incredibly beautiful way. None of the lines form complete sentences, and each one seems to be a piece of a thought that is thrown out into the open. Along with that, is the rhythm of the poem, some lines have specific intentional pauses after them and others just blend into the next without a truly defined end. These two things work simultaneously to create a beautiful poem, really, the only reason it is called a song is because it is set to music. However, often times poems seem to have their own tune too, sort of like a subtle soundtrack. It seems like poetry and music are much more closely related than one may first guess. 

When we understand that music and poetry are really the same thing, it opens our eyes to the fact that poetry can be found in anything and everything. Nature creates poetry, just listen to rain or a calm breeze. Typing is poetry, just listen to the ebb and flow of the keys clacking. Walking, breathing, living are all poetry, just listen to their dynamics and feel every emotion, image, paradox, and irony they create. Every moment is special and beautiful because they give us the opportunity to learn and grow, which really is the whole point of poetry. When a poet writes a stanza or a sonnet, it because they want to teach something and they want something to be felt. Words were not meant to be wasted on those who are unable to see past their surfaces. So, the sooner we understand that the universe is just one big poet writing out the verses of our lives and desperately screaming at us "LEARN FROM EVERYTHING I GIVE YOU" the better and richer our eternity's will be because we will have taken everything in stride and gained true experience from every precious moment. 

As you read the lyrics, or listen, to this song, think about what they mean to you and what you can learn from them. This is one of my favorite songs because of its beautiful message and symbolism, but different things hold different messages for different people. So take this songs personal meaning for you, and carry it forward into all that you do.

 "Holding On"
By: David Gray 

Baby now don’t look back
Don’t let those feelings start
Don’t let the line go slack, when you’re
Pulling it all apart
How to describe the sky
Or dismantle a beating heart

Baby we’re holding on
Here we are holding on
Baby we’re holding on
To the world

Seeking assurances
Some kind of guarantee
There has to be more than this, oh now
More than the eye can see
Holding the lanterns high, while we
Sink with our vanity

Here we are holding on
Guess we’re just holding on
Baby we’re holding on
To the world

Now I’m gonna love you
Like the spring bursts from the ground
Unfurling from the ground
Unfurling from the ground

Faces of buildings, trees
All that is stone, inert
Here in these empty streets, well it
Silently does assert
That we are just passing ghosts, honey
Vapors of joy and hurt

And here we are holding on
Baby we’re holding on
Yes we’re just holding on
To the world
Here we are holding on
Baby we’re holding on
Here we are holding on
Yes we’re just holding on
Here we are holding on
Baby we’re holding on
Guess we’re just holding on to the world.

Metacognition: Poetry

This week we started the poetry unit and began the task of writing our own poetry. For the past few days I've had a phrase stuck in my head, and I didn't know where it came from or why it was there. But today when we were sitting in class listening to TED and the mocking bird poem, I suddenly realized that I had been fixated on the beginning of a poem. As quickly as I could, I wrote down the sentence and then my thoughts just took off. I felt like I couldn't stop writing, and soon my poem was finished.  

After I read through my poem, I thought about Mr. Allen's quote "To what degree do I understand that which I am about to reject". I realized that I had been too quick to disregard this idea that had been stuck in my head because I hadn't taken the time to understand it, I couldn't comprehend how it could have any significance to any part of my life. Instead, I was just getting annoyed by how fixated my brain seemed to be on it. If I had just realized that my subconscious was trying to give me a creative idea I could have been finished with my poem earlier, but no. I chose to be stubborn and reject my own creativity because I wasn't sure how to understand it. 

As I continued to think about it, I realized that I do this a lot.  On multiple occasions I have had an idea or a word or a theme stuck in my head but I have completely disregarded it because I figured that it wasn't relevant to  any tasks at hand, and  I think that this may just be part of my creative process. I think that my subconscious creates ideas to complete a project and then once the rest of my mind recognizes it, it is processed until the project is finished. Unfortunately, this probably isn't the best strategy because it often leads to frustration and writers block. But at the same time I think that it also allows for huge revelations, which in my opinion is the most important part of learning. If you aren't making any personal discoveries, then you aren't really learning. You are just going through the process and having information thrust upon you, rather than absorbing information. My creative process is what enabled me to join academy, and hopeful it is good enough to take me a great deal farther throughout the rest of my life.

Best of the week: Brains and gender.

This week in class Mr. Allen showed us the book The Essential Difference by Simon Baron-Coen. The book discussed the differences between the male and female brains as well as the idea that females can have male brains and vice-a-verse. It stated that male brains are more logical and systematic while female brains are more empathetic. After hearing this, my question was: Why do they need to be called male and female brains? Now, I realize that the author had done studies that showed males as having, in general, one type of brain and females another, but the book even went on to explain that there are exceptions to these rules. For instance, it said that people who suffer from autism tend to have male brains regardless of their biological sex. If there are crossovers between the types of brains then why can't they just be classified by their types? Why can't the brains just be called systematic and empathetic rather than male and female? I think that by labeling the brains by sex we are closing off our view of the bigger picture and limiting ourselves to old stereotypes.
For me,this book also brought up the question: What about transgender people? I was curious to know if the author thought a man who chose to present himself as a female would have a female or male brain. Assuming that the author said a female brain, the question could be raised: What about people like Temple Grandin? She had autism and the author would probably say she also had a male brain, but while temple did in fact have an androgynous style, there has never been evidence that she felt she were a man. In fact, some studies have shown that transgender people actually have a different brain from that of both males and females. I would love to know then, what the author categorized their brain as being, if he even believed such a thing were true.  
In class this past week we also talked about the idea of gender versus sex and the interrelation between the two. The class seemed pretty split between some people believing that your sex is your biology while your gender is what you choose to represent yourself as and some saying that sex and gender are the same thing. Personally, I agree with the first group of people. You should be able to choose what and who you want to be, if you feel that your gender is female even though your sex is male then by all means be a female. The world has never been destroyed by people expressing who they truly are, if anything it as been enriched by it. One example of this is that in Washington, D.C. they are starting to run ads that support transgenders living in their community. In the end, people will always have their own opinions, but who cares?  Be who you want to be and do what makes you happy, regardless of what society, your biological sex, or even your brain type tells you.

Captured thought: Do we create the things we need?

About a week ago, I was reading an article which presented the theory that the characters of Ferris and Sloane in Ferris Bueller's day off were figments of Cameron's imagination. The author suggested that Ferris represented the man Cameron wished he could be, popular, lucky, easy going, and Sloane was the woman he wanted/needed in his life. Based on Cameron's outburst in his fathers car and a majority of his mannerisms, it can be deduced that his character was suffering from some major mental health disorders. Looking at the movie this way completely changes the theme and message, but the author argued that this may not be such a bad thing. If we see the characters as somewhat of a mental crutch that Cameron creates to help him overcome a challenge, then the movie becomes more powerful and raises more questions for discussion.

After reading the article I sort of pondered over what is said but as days passed I forgot about it and the message became nestled somewhere in the back of my brain. Then one day when we were sitting in class talking about Orlando, the concept of memories was brought up, which reminded me of the brain, which reminded me of the article. I remembered Mr. Allen commenting that Virginia Woolf had suffered from depression and other mental disorders, when suddenly something clicked. What if Virginia Woolf had created Orlando to express a part of herself she couldn't otherwise or to deal with something she wasn't sure how to handle? Until now, Orlando had been just a book for me, a wonderfully fantastic book that was doing far more than simply holding my interest, but a book none the less. With the introduction of this new theory, the book became so much more, it became personal. 

Do our minds create the things we need to persevere?  Do we seek people with qualities we lack? Do we select things to fill our gaps? After thinking about both of the previously mentioned examples I decided that the answer to all of these questions is yes. More so though, I hoped and wanted the answer to be yes. When we think of things as being a sort of diary for the creator or a tool to fix what they believe to be broken, so much is added to what we are able to perceive. By understanding that everything around us meant so much more to someone else, it can then mean more to us and in the end this will help us discover more than ever thought possible.