Metacognition: I'm stubborn

 
In general, anytime I write something, the two most prominent emotions that arise seem to be stubbornness and doubt. Usually when I write I'll come up with an idea very quickly, and then become so attached to it that I can think of nothing else. This is probably one of the greatest downfalls of my writing, because it doesn't allow me to take constructive criticism very well. I become like a horse with blinders on, obtuse to everything around me, only able to see the bigger picture straight ahead. The problem is that I get so invested in what I'm writing that I don't think anyone else's suggestion could help it be even better. I'll make up some excuse that they don't understand the point or they can't see where I'm coming from, but really I'm just incredibly stubborn.

Usually, the next step in my writing process is a slow decline into hatred for whatever it is I have created. Most of the time I start out completely enthralled with my idea and where I've taken it, but then gradually I run out of steam. I start to lose interest in the story and my brain seems to turn to mush, I don't think I've ever written something that I was totally happy with in the end.

Part of this is my refusal to accept advice from people. I won't take their suggestions into account and then when I hit a wall I start to doubt what I have written. I’ll scrutinize every little detail and soon I won’t be able to think of anything because everything just seems so… stupid. This was my biggest struggle when writing my short story. I started off so strong, with a concept I found interesting and I was excited to write about, but then I became fed-up with the story because it wasn’t going where I wanted it to go. The most frustrating part was that in my head, it all made sense, the story seemed great, but when I tried to put it on paper, something just wasn’t translating. My words were muddled and the message was lost somewhere that I couldn’t determine. I had sought help on my story but decided to only follow part of the advice because I didn’t want to compromise its integrity. In the end though, I was left wondering if accepting someone else’s thoughts would have stopped me from ending up with a story that left me content, but not completely satisfied.

Someday I would like to not be so stubborn; part of me understands that I don’t know everything, but the other part of me in crushing that part. And while I am proud of myself for standing up for the things I believe in, I wish that I could just accept what others have to say and not turn everything into an argument with myself that will probably just leave me frustrated in the end.