Recently, one of my favorite youtubers has been caught in somewhat of a scandal. They have openly admitted to using manipulation as a way to accomplish sexual acts. Basically, they are fessing up to sexual abuse. I don't have all the details so I can't truly understand the extent of the situation, but I know enough to understand what he did has inexcusably wrong. At least according to his blog post, it seems that he has never done anything illegal, like sex with a minor or textbook rape, but he admits that he believes, after looking at his past relationships, that he twisted the feelings of his partners into doing things that perhaps they were not comfortable with.
Alex has always been kind of an ass, but I never thought it would ever be anything this extreme. This is bad, very, very bad. It really just makes me feel sick. I was sitting at lunch today and all of a sudden just became very uncomfortable, anxious even, and at first I wasn't sure why, but then I realized something had triggered the confession in my mind and I was remembering what I had read the night before. I looked up to this man, I admired this man, I wanted to be friends with, understand this man, and he betrayed me. He did something that no human, man or woman, should ever do. He took advantage of someone at their most vulnerable state, when they have the most bared. I'm guessing that these people (women) trusted him too, if I am feeling this way about a person I have never met an have no tangible connection to, I can't imagine what the women who were actually there feel like. The women who know exactly how they felt in the moment the unwanted advances were made, they have memories that evoke all their sense, that enwrap and consume them, they have something real. All I have is a guess and some imagination, and it's making me feel queasy.
I hope that his list of victims does not include Carrie. Especially because the last I heard they were back together. No one deserves the trap of their abuser, no one should have to suffer that pain. To have to look at someone you hold so dearly and know that they've done something so unspeakably cruel to you, is one of the most terrible things I could imagine. I hope she is of sound mind and body wherever she is right now. More importantly though, I hope Alex fully understands the consequences of his actions, and I hope he never repeats them to anyone ever again.
He hasn't posted a video in awhile and I'm wondering if he will address this issue in his next one. I'm thinking he might, he has always been pretty open online and not afraid to say what he really thinks. I don't know to what extent this will affect his audience. Even though most of his viewers are female, and should be the ones most upset about this situation, I'm guessing a portion of them won't be terribly fazed by it. As girls, we have been taught to more or less understand that sexual abuse is just a part of the world, it happens. Yes we have been told over and over that it is wrong and how to defend agains it, but the theme behind it has always been yes this happens, get ready for it. I am worried that some of the young girls who watch his videos will take it this way, they will adopt this complacent, even understanding attitude. They deserve better, they need to understand, as much as he does, that what he did was wrong. They should not have to accept that sexual abuse is just a part of life. Obviously they should be informed and prepared, but perhaps we should start teaching prevention instead of acceptance, proaction instead of reaction.
I don't know, this whole thing is just a really shitty situation and I think it's going to continue to be shitty for awhile. Right now I'm just trying to deal with how uncomfortable this has made me, it's a discomfort that comes on at random times and creeps its way through my veins, lodging in the base of my stomach. It's a terrible feeling and one that I hope to never understand in full force. Sexual abuse is never okay to anyone, for any reason, ever.
