Somewhere to Think/Abuse

I don't know if you get notifications when we post blogs Mr. Allen, I'm guessing you don't. But if you do, and you are reading this, I just needed somewhere to write down what I was thinking. Recently I've been having a lot of thoughts that I don't necessarily feel need to be or could be voiced to others; I don't want these ideas to go away because I think they are important, or at least important to how I am feeling. I needed somewhere where I knew my thoughts could be articulated, but safe, free from the fear and judgement of others. With no where else to turn to, I think this is that place. 

Recently, one of my favorite youtubers has been caught in somewhat of a scandal. They have openly admitted to using manipulation as a way to accomplish sexual acts. Basically, they are fessing up to sexual abuse. I don't have all the details so I can't truly understand the extent of the situation, but I know enough to understand what he did has inexcusably wrong. At least according to his blog post, it seems that he has never done anything illegal, like sex with a minor or textbook rape, but he admits that he believes, after looking at his past relationships, that he twisted the feelings of his partners into doing things that perhaps they were not comfortable with. 

Alex has always been kind of an ass, but I never thought it would ever be anything this extreme. This is bad, very, very bad. It really just makes me feel sick. I was sitting at lunch today and all of a sudden just became very uncomfortable, anxious even, and at first I wasn't sure why, but then I realized something had triggered the confession in my mind and I was remembering what I had read the night before. I looked up to this man, I admired this man, I wanted to be friends with, understand this man, and he betrayed me. He did something that no human, man or woman, should ever do. He took advantage of someone at their most vulnerable state, when they have the most bared. I'm guessing that these people (women) trusted him too, if I am feeling this way about a person I have never met an have no tangible connection to, I can't imagine what the women who were actually there feel like. The women who know exactly how they felt in the moment the unwanted advances were made, they have memories that evoke all their sense, that enwrap and consume them, they have something real. All I have is a guess and some imagination, and it's making me feel queasy. 

I hope that his list of victims does not include Carrie. Especially because the last I heard they were back together. No one deserves the trap of their abuser, no one should have to suffer that pain. To have to look at someone you hold so dearly and know that they've done something so unspeakably cruel to you, is one of the most terrible things I could imagine. I hope she is of sound mind and body wherever she is right now. More importantly though, I hope Alex fully understands the consequences of his actions, and I hope he never repeats them to anyone ever again.  

He hasn't posted a video in awhile and I'm wondering if he will address this issue in his next one. I'm thinking he might, he has always been pretty open online and not afraid to say what he really thinks. I don't know to what extent this will affect his audience. Even though most of his viewers are female, and should be the ones most upset about this situation, I'm guessing a portion of them won't be terribly fazed by it. As girls, we have been taught to more or less understand that sexual abuse is just a part of the world, it happens. Yes we have been told over and over that it is wrong and how to defend agains it, but the theme behind it has always been yes this happens, get ready for it. I am worried that some of the young girls who watch his videos will take it this way, they will adopt this complacent, even understanding attitude. They deserve better, they need to understand, as much as he does, that what he did was wrong. They should not have to accept that sexual abuse is just a part of life. Obviously they should be informed and prepared, but perhaps we should start teaching prevention instead of acceptance, proaction instead of reaction.

I don't know, this whole thing is just a really shitty situation and I think it's going to continue to be shitty for awhile. Right now I'm just trying to deal with how uncomfortable this has made me, it's a discomfort that comes on at random times and creeps its way through my veins, lodging in the base of my stomach. It's a terrible feeling and one that I hope to never understand in full force. Sexual abuse is never okay to anyone, for any reason, ever. 

Blogging around

I commented on Anna Busch's post about progress and Future. In it she talked about how we live in a bubble of ignorance and how she hopes that one day our society can escape this bubble.

My comment to her:

Anna,
I really liked your post, but I think I'm going to have to disagree with you on somethings. I don't think that we will ever be able to live in a society devoid of ignorance, it's just too engrained in our lives. And at this point, it seems, that sometimes ignorance is the only way to go, but I wouldn't say that it is ALWAYS a bad thing. Sometimes subconscious ignorance is the only thing that keeps people going and I don't really have any issue with that, however conscious ignorance, now that I do have a problem with. I think that if you are willingly and knowingly denying something, then that's not okay, and that's where our society runs into an issue. How do we find the balance between conscious and subconscious ignorance? In order to reach the progress that you were talking about, I think that we as a global population must define this balance and then use it to our advantage to better our world. Great post though, I really liked your insights.


I commented on Jordan's blog about her Jane Eyre Mash up. She talked about challenging the status quo and how it related to our english curriculum so far this year.

My comment to her:

Jordan,
Your post made me think back on the books we have read this year and it made me realize how much they all have to do with challenging the status quo. "Orlando" challenges it by dressing as a man when she was a woman and writing, even though the spirit of her age made her hands shake to try and stop her from doing it. In "King Lear", Lear's daughters Goneril and Regan are rude and malicious towards their father, as they try to overthrow him and take his thrown. "Heart of Darkness" isn't so much about defying the status quo as it is about understanding it, the main character Marlow is thrown into Africa and forced to see the injustice of the status quo, but he also has to realize that there isn't much he can do about it. Lastly, "Jane Eyre" is all about her becoming a strong independent woman who chooses to be herself, instead of being like everyone else. It is a story of choices and how continuously Jane's choices, while they may be unpopular, are her choices and no one else's. Thank you for writing this post, it really made me think about how connected theses books are, I guess I had never really thought about them from this perspective before.

Dialectics: Simulation and Reality

The biggest concept in The Matrix, is the idea of simulation versus reality. In the matrix everything is simulated, and it is up to those who have escaped the system to discover and preserve reality. This brings up several questions. A small sampling being: What is reality? And Which is better simulation or reality? 

In one of the most pivotal scenes of the movie, Cypher has to make the choice between remaining outside of the matrix with the rest of his shipmates on the Nebuchadnezzar or returning to the matrix with no knowledge of his time beyond it's grasp. He chooses to go back to the matrix and accept it's totalitarian control. While I don't agree with Cypher's choice, I understand why he made it. Earlier in the movie Neo is asked if he believes in fate and says no because he doesn't like the idea of not being in control of his life. I too don't believe in fate, but I like the idea of it. Fate is sort of like a cop-out, it's an excuse for not doing well. If something in your life goes wrong you can just blame it on fate, say it was out of your hands, and I think that's what Cypher wants. He doesn't want to have to make the tough decisions anymore, he just wants to be ignorant. He doesn't want to be in control anymore, and I sympathise with him. It's hard to know that your mistakes are all of your own doing. Sometimes it's nice to just push the blame off on someone or something else, not all the time, but sometimes. 

As our society continues to develop and grow technologically, it is possible that we will be faced with a choice similar to Cypher's. Eventually, we may have to choose between simulation and reality.I think that there are many people out there who, when given this choice will choose simulation, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. To put it simply, life's rough. It's hard and exhausting and a lot of the time it just feels like more than you can handle. Therefor, it makes sense that people who have been overworked, and probably under-appreciated, would choose to enter a world that they knew would give them some relief. It would be like an instant weight being lifted off their shoulders However, other people seem to thrive on life's struggles. It propels them to do better and better, and so for them a world of simulation would be like torture. 

The most important thing to take away from this is that both life styles are completely valid. Just because someone chooses to live blissfully unaware, does not mean that they are a lesser person it just means that they have a different opinion. And really it's no one's place to judge how someone chooses to live because life is so subjective. It's completely up to you to decide your own path, regardless of what someone else thinks... or doesn't think, I guess. You get to decide for yourself what your reality will be. 

So, which would you choose, the blue or the red? 

Metacognition: True love

I've always been a cynic about love. For awhile I just completely refused to admit it even really existed. I'm not quite as blunt about the topic now, but I am still hesitant to accept people's emotions as truth when they say they're "in love". So, when we were reading Jane Eyre, I think what surprised me most about the story was that I believed it. I genuinely felt that Jane and Mr. Rochester were in love and I rooted for them to end up together. But even more surprising than me believe in their romance, was other people not believing it. When I would talk to my classmates, they would comment on their disdain for Mr. Rochester and how they didn't think that he really loved Jane and was just lustful instead. I was shocked, and it made me start to question my faith in their relationship. I didn't understand how a sceptic like me could believe something that other people doubted. 

When I started my mashup, I settled on the love prompt because I thought it was the one that I most easily connected to. As I gathered quotes and outside sources, I was still weary of Jane and Rochester's relationship, rocked by the opinions of my peers, but as the project progressed my stance changed. With each passage that I found, I felt like it was just further proving my original claim about their love. I became more and more confident it my belief that they really did love each other and by the end of my project I was positive that their's was a true and good marriage. 

I guess it makes me a little sad that I was so easily swayed by the opinions of others, but in the end I was able to hold to my original convictions and that's really the most important part. Usually I have very strong opinions that I stick to like glue, but this time was different and I'm not really sure why that is. I understand that it is important to see other people's points of view, that's what I wrote my last blog on, but I just hope I'm not going soft and am starting to doubt myself or my beliefs. I'm glad that this projected allowed to me reaffirm my stance on the relationship and reassure my faith in my conclusions. 

Metacognition: I'm stubborn

 
In general, anytime I write something, the two most prominent emotions that arise seem to be stubbornness and doubt. Usually when I write I'll come up with an idea very quickly, and then become so attached to it that I can think of nothing else. This is probably one of the greatest downfalls of my writing, because it doesn't allow me to take constructive criticism very well. I become like a horse with blinders on, obtuse to everything around me, only able to see the bigger picture straight ahead. The problem is that I get so invested in what I'm writing that I don't think anyone else's suggestion could help it be even better. I'll make up some excuse that they don't understand the point or they can't see where I'm coming from, but really I'm just incredibly stubborn.

Usually, the next step in my writing process is a slow decline into hatred for whatever it is I have created. Most of the time I start out completely enthralled with my idea and where I've taken it, but then gradually I run out of steam. I start to lose interest in the story and my brain seems to turn to mush, I don't think I've ever written something that I was totally happy with in the end.

Part of this is my refusal to accept advice from people. I won't take their suggestions into account and then when I hit a wall I start to doubt what I have written. I’ll scrutinize every little detail and soon I won’t be able to think of anything because everything just seems so… stupid. This was my biggest struggle when writing my short story. I started off so strong, with a concept I found interesting and I was excited to write about, but then I became fed-up with the story because it wasn’t going where I wanted it to go. The most frustrating part was that in my head, it all made sense, the story seemed great, but when I tried to put it on paper, something just wasn’t translating. My words were muddled and the message was lost somewhere that I couldn’t determine. I had sought help on my story but decided to only follow part of the advice because I didn’t want to compromise its integrity. In the end though, I was left wondering if accepting someone else’s thoughts would have stopped me from ending up with a story that left me content, but not completely satisfied.

Someday I would like to not be so stubborn; part of me understands that I don’t know everything, but the other part of me in crushing that part. And while I am proud of myself for standing up for the things I believe in, I wish that I could just accept what others have to say and not turn everything into an argument with myself that will probably just leave me frustrated in the end.

An inconvenient truth: Love is weird and everything is Romeo and Juliet

In reality, the movie Once is just Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. Two people fall in love but the guy used to be in love with another woman and the woman is either married or engaged to be married to another man, the only difference is that instead of dying in the end, our irish Romeo gets on a plane, while Juliet gets a piano... that she then plays for her husband. Basically, it's just a story of star crossed lovers who weren't meant to find each other, but they did, and then couldn't be together in the end because of odd circumstances. The resounding them in both productions is about them being uncomfortable and trying to figure how they fit together but not really succeeding because they are just too damn awkward. Romeo and Juliet are so bumbling when they first meet that they just touch hands and stare at each other, this sense of being clumsy and inept continues throughout the book with them always sort of rushing into things unplanned and then mis-communicating with each other so things get messed up (ie their deaths).The two main characters in Once never really have a smooth conversation, everything is coarse and weird, even the way they look at each other makes the audience feel uncomfortable.But I guess that these qualities are supposed to be endearing and give the characters a sense of reality, because "love" is supposed to weird and icky, just ask any ten year old. 

Another example of this is The Cathedral by Raymond Carver, which is quite possibly one of THE most uncomfortable things I have ever read. But through the clumsy encounters of a man, his wife, and his wife's blind friend, we are supposed to see how much they really care about each other. You could argue that this short story also has hints of Romeo and Juliet sprinkled in it, the blind man and his deceased wife Beulah, or the man and his wife, or the wife and the blind man, or even the blind man and the husband. They all have an element of not really knowing how to react around a person that by some stroke of luck has fallen into your life to change the path you were previously travelling on. Furthermore, all of these Romeo and Juliet like scenarios have this theme of finding someone who is equally as bizarre as you are, and then preceding to be bizarre with them.  

So, I guess, this means that love is weird and therefore every love story should technically have elements of Romeo and Juliet. This makes logical sense if you think about it, seeing as how we've already proven that Shakespeare's famous play was all about being awkward and love is supposedly supremely awkward. If this is true though, it would mean that you could never write a love story that isn't a cliche because they would all just be Romeo and Juliet, a hefty implication indeed. But really, we must admit that love is pretty cliched itself and ridiculously over used most of the time. In conclusion, Once and The Cathedral are just copies of an old love tale, with somewhat modern twists. 

Captured Thought: Dueling Societies

Just start off this blog on a rather random note, the picture to the left is the image I have in my head of Kurtz in Heart of Darkness.  Now, I know that Kurtz is supposed to be incredibly thin and sickly, but anytime I picture him, this is all I can see. I have no idea why. 

Alright, now on to the actual blog. This week in class we have been discussing the book Heart of Darkness and one of the main topics brought up was the idea of restraint. It seemed to me, that the majority of the class was of the state of mind that while the African people were considered savage by the Europeans, it was really the Africans who demonstrated a restraint typically associated with a western lifestyle and the so called civilized Europeans were the ones who acted savagely. It seemed like they highly praised African society and just completely bashed on the Europeans. While I agree with them that the Europeans did in fact act with an unnecessary ferocity, it does not mean that we should write of their life style completely. Neither society is perfect and they both have their faults, simply the societies are just different. Furthermore, the people in both societies show restraint, just in different ways. There are so many things that European people had to deal with that the Africans didn't, and vice versa. The Europeans didn't have to hunt through the jungle in search of game, but the Africans didn't have to labor in factories or struggle with an incredibly strict and oppressive social structure. Both societies we're a challenge to live through and you can't really say one was better than the other because they both had their challenges, and their rewards. 

One of the biggest themes in the book is savagery vs. society and how those two are interwoven. Heart of Darkness, in my opinion, does an incredible job of clearly showing your conscious the weaknesses of both societies, while simultaneously allowing your subconscious to realize their strengths. It enables you to draw your own opinion of the savagery and restraint  both societies display, and therefor deepens your understanding of society at large, and what it means to be "civilized". 

Blogging Around

Emily Horvath wrote a blog about her experience writing the multiple drafts of her poem. In it she expressed her perception shift as she went from hating the assignment to genuinely enjoying it in the end. I replied with:

I just want to start of by saying that I love your writing style and your gifs made me laugh, a lot. After reading your blog I feel as though we sort of went on opposite journeys during this assignment. I started out loving poetry and so excited to write my own that I began writing it that day in class. But then with each draft that I turned in and every revision, I started to hate my poem. I started to feel less and less creative as my poem grew longer, because I just didn't know how to fix what I had already written, so I instead just kept adding stanzas. Whereas you started out apprehensive and then were able to condense and enjoy each new draft you handed in.

I think that our journeys differed so much because of our attitudes when we started. I enjoy poetry and was so happy with the second draft of my poem that I became stubborn. I didn't want to change what I thought was good writing just because someone else didn't like it, but after awhile it got hard revising something I desperately wanted to keep the same and in the end I ended up just getting angry and frustrated. However, you came into this project with an open mind and were able to take criticism and mold it into a a better, more concise poem. You were able to succeed where I pretty much failed, and I have to give you props for that because I know it was no easy task. 
Jordan Arrigo wrote a blog about organizing her makeup drawer. In it she talked about how neat her drawer now was, while the rest of her room stayed messy. She expressed how rewarding it was to have even just a little thing be so tidy, but how terrifying it can be to have to organize the rest of your life. I replied with: 

I'm in the same situation. My makeup drawer is in perfect order, but the rest of my room is a disaster. It's just never really bothered me that my room is a mess though, because at least it's my mess. I've always felt like it shouldn't matter if your things are organized as long as you know where everything is and are happy with it, because really, at the end of the day, who is going to be meticulously going through your stuff? 
It bothers me so much when my mom tells me to clean my room, because I think to myself, "The door is always closed, you only ever go in there about once a week, why does it matter?" The last time I checked my mother wasn't giving tours of my room to the neighborhood, so I really just don't see why it has to be PERFECT.

At the end of your blog you talked about how scary it is to organize your whole life, but I don't really see why that is necessary. Order isn't always what's best for people and if everything in your life is immaculate I feel like you would just get stuck in a rut. So before you attempted to revamp and reorganize everything, I wanted to tell you that little chaos is a good thing and it can go a long way.

Metacognition: Poetry

For the past few weeks we have been writing, and then rewriting, and then rewriting again, original poems. My first poem, I will admit, was absolutely terrible. It was cliched, boring, and arbitrary, in reality it was just kind of stupid. I didn't like it when I turned it in, I felt uncomfortable, I felt like I was abandoning a toddler in the middle of the desert and expecting it to survive even though it was completely inept. The only reason that I reluctantly turned it in was because I had read it to my mother and she told she really liked, so I trusted her opinion and followed through. This probably wasn't the best decision, but it was a decision none the less, and it was one I had to stand by. 

Needless to say the poem wasn't graded very well. So, when it was time for level two, I decided to scrap my first one and write an entirely new poem. My second poem, same as he first one, was written over the course of a school day with a little bit being written in each class, a stanza at a time, whenever something would come to my mind. The second poem, however, unlike the first, was about something very personal to me, it was about my brother.

The first time I wrote my second poem, I loved it. I was so proud of my poem and the way it moved, but it wasn't received very well. So we had to write it again, and then again, and after awhile I just got tired. I got tired of talking about my brother and I started to hate the poem so much that I dreaded working on it. I didn't want to change anything about it or add a stanza here or there because I was so tired of dealing with this issue. I hate that I feel like my brother and my parent's divorce are the only two things I ever write about, but that's what I know. And in the end, that's really all writing comes down to, describing an emotion, idea, or moment that you know best, but I feel like the things I know best aren't very interesting. I feel boring and my writing feels boring. I'm proud of all the work I have done on my poem, but I'm not proud of what it's about and I'm not proud that I know it's probably the best I could do, and it's still not very good.

Get Organized: Room Cleaning

This past week, my uncle, cousin, and her two children came to stay with us for Thanksgiving, which of course meant that I had to give up my room. This is how it's always been, whenever we have house guests they stay in my room because I am the only one out of my two siblings who has their own bathroom. Unfortunately, this also means that whenever company is coming, it puts me into a mad dash to clean my room. For someone who keeps almost all other aspects in their life in complete order, I've never understood why I allow my room to get so out of hand. But I do, and it's always a mess, but at least it's my mess. There is always order within the disorder that is my room and I have a constant general sense of where exactly everything is. I've found that when I do attempt to organize my room, I often end up outsmarting my self and putting things in logical, smart places, but then later forget where those places were. So as I was cleaning my room, a good three hour task, I got to look at all the ways that my past self was smarter than my current self, and all they ways that it was less intelligent as well. 

I'm usually apprehensive before starting an organizational project because I know it will lead to frustration and eat up a good deal of time, but I always end up really enjoying myself because I actually love to sort things. I enjoy putting things in places and making them look nice , and afterwards I constantly have a sense of accomplishment because I know that everything is where it should be. Then that sense of accomplishment turns into anger as I frantically search to find things I've hidden away from judgmental house guest eyes. Sometimes  I just don't understand why I do the things I do. I have no idea why I there is a tub full of every paper and handout I received last school year sitting under my desk, but there it is, quietly mocking me. Nor do I know why I have a drawer full of dance stuff when I always forget that I put my dance things in there and then end up having a panic attack before performances because I can't find any of it, even though it's all neatly stored away. It's amazing how rational and idiotic I can be at the exact same time.

One of the things I realized while cleaning was that I hold onto things for far longer than I should. This is probably one of my worst habits, because it just leads to excess clutter and my room being filled with bizarre things I haven't touched in ages. It's so hard for me to throw things away because I always get that terrifying, nagging question, "but what if I need it?"I constantly seem to come up with the most absurd justifications for keeping things I shouldn't, and then just end up feeling claustrophobic in my prison full of junk.  I need to learn to let things go and stop living my life in hypothetical "What if's". There is a time and a place for everything, and  a good majority of the things I own have lost their time, so therefore they must now lose their place. 

In conclusion, cleaning my room has shown me that I need to be more logical and less, for lack of a better word, stupid. Probably in all aspects of life, but especially in the state of my room.
 

Metacognition: Writing for fun

This year, thus far, has been a year of trial and error. It is always challenging to start a new class with a new teacher because you have to learn the teachers style and adapt your writing to suit their criteria. Different instructors look for different things and especially in high school, it always feels like you need to write more for a grade than for yourself. Which sounds odd, because of course you would want an A on an assignment but often times I feel like personal discovery is lost in school writing. I know that personally I have written many papers that I was very proud of and excited to turn in but never got very good grades on, and then there were assignments where I didn't believe a single thing I had written and hated every arbitrary word of the paper, but I would get a great grade on them.

However, this year feels different. I have never written a blog before this year in English and when we were first told about the assignment I wasn't so sure about it. I figured that it would just be another tedious project that added more stress and work to my life, but I was wrong. I've found that with every blog I write, I begin to enjoy writing more and more. I had forgotten was it was like to write for me and not my teacher. Especially now that we are older and understand, or at least are starting to understand, how to write well, we can start to play with the rules. Writing is fun and we need to remember that, not everything has to be a 20 page thesis research essay, and not everything has to be dry and boring. Mr. Allen reminded us that we can start a sentence with "but" and we can use "and" more than once because writing is all about craft. We can enjoy the things we write and craft them the way we want because that's the point of writing, to put into words our personal discoveries in a way that keeps them in their truest form. 

From the beginning of the school year until now I have remembered what it feels like to write for me, and not a teacher. Even though these blogs are technically for a grade, it doesn't feel like it because we get to write about, with some parameters, whatever we want. They allow us to write about what we find interesting and what we enjoy, which in turn allows us to enjoy that which we have written. I get excited now when we are assigned a blog post because I know it means that I will get to write for personal gain and exploration. Honestly, I feel like I have had more mental breakthroughs this year, than any other year before, because I am getting the chance to fully explore my thoughts. Of course this could be a dangerous thing if taken to the extreme and writing becomes all fun and no substance, so it is important to find a balance. But nonetheless, I fully intend to carry this lesson with me as I go through life, writing is fun and should be something that brings you joy, not stress. 

Blogging Around

Anna Hofmockel wrote a blog called An Inconvenient truth: Advertisements and Children , which was about the recent rise in childhood obesity and the fact that thought is was majorly linked to the negative influence of food advertisers. I responded with: You claim that the rise in obesity is due to food advertisers selling unhealthy foods, but what about those who market health foods? I was talking to my my friend's mom who is in the food advertisement business and she was talking about the fish company she helped. The name of the company was "Saucy Fish" and she instructed them to place their fish on black rather than white Styrofoam to make it look more appealing, and to package the fish with perfectly portioned sauce along with specific cooking instructions. Now, people who had been on the fence about buying healthy fish because they weren't sure how to prepare it had access to easy and tasty fish. Also, she talked about how much she enjoys her job because it is interesting to her and she loves what she does, not because of the amount of money she makes. So I think before we write off all food advertisements, we should take into account those that are actually doing good rather than bad for our society. 

Toby Klein wrote a blog called An Inconvenient Truth: Rape Screws Everyone, where she talked about rape/sexual assault and how it affected everyone involved, as well as some of it's negative affects on victims and statistics of rape. I responded: Toby, I could be wrong, but I thought I remembered you sharing a story last year about one of your friends who had been raped and decided not to press charges. I am asking because this blog seems very personal and I can tell that you feel very strongly about this topic. The title of your blog is rape screws everybody but you then go on to say that the rapists and predators don't think they have done anything wrong, so in what way are the screwed? I just want to know your opinion on the topic, because to me it seems that someone willing to do something so horrible to an innocent person would have to be mentally unstable, and therefore would have been "screwed" from birth, but by a force that was completely out of their control. I agree with you that rape is a terrible, terrible thing, I just would like to know what your definitions of "screwed" and "everybody" are. If my memory is correct and your friend was a victim of sexual assault then I truly hope that she is doing well, and I am extremely thankful that she has a friend like you to help her through such a horrible experience. 

iMedia: Holding On

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8fHlVm429g

This week in class we have been talking about poetry and what makes a poem, a poem. Someone brought up the idea that rap is a form of poetry, and while I agreed, I also thought it wasn't just rap that qualified as poetry, but all music. The song I have chosen to talk about is "Holding On" by David Gray. I picked this song because I felt that it was one the best examples of music being interpreted as poetry. When we talk about what makes up a poem we usually think of diction, variation and repetition, enjambment, stanzas, irony, paradox, imagery and rhythm. This song especially utilizes rhythm and enjambment in a incredibly beautiful way. None of the lines form complete sentences, and each one seems to be a piece of a thought that is thrown out into the open. Along with that, is the rhythm of the poem, some lines have specific intentional pauses after them and others just blend into the next without a truly defined end. These two things work simultaneously to create a beautiful poem, really, the only reason it is called a song is because it is set to music. However, often times poems seem to have their own tune too, sort of like a subtle soundtrack. It seems like poetry and music are much more closely related than one may first guess. 

When we understand that music and poetry are really the same thing, it opens our eyes to the fact that poetry can be found in anything and everything. Nature creates poetry, just listen to rain or a calm breeze. Typing is poetry, just listen to the ebb and flow of the keys clacking. Walking, breathing, living are all poetry, just listen to their dynamics and feel every emotion, image, paradox, and irony they create. Every moment is special and beautiful because they give us the opportunity to learn and grow, which really is the whole point of poetry. When a poet writes a stanza or a sonnet, it because they want to teach something and they want something to be felt. Words were not meant to be wasted on those who are unable to see past their surfaces. So, the sooner we understand that the universe is just one big poet writing out the verses of our lives and desperately screaming at us "LEARN FROM EVERYTHING I GIVE YOU" the better and richer our eternity's will be because we will have taken everything in stride and gained true experience from every precious moment. 

As you read the lyrics, or listen, to this song, think about what they mean to you and what you can learn from them. This is one of my favorite songs because of its beautiful message and symbolism, but different things hold different messages for different people. So take this songs personal meaning for you, and carry it forward into all that you do.

 "Holding On"
By: David Gray 

Baby now don’t look back
Don’t let those feelings start
Don’t let the line go slack, when you’re
Pulling it all apart
How to describe the sky
Or dismantle a beating heart

Baby we’re holding on
Here we are holding on
Baby we’re holding on
To the world

Seeking assurances
Some kind of guarantee
There has to be more than this, oh now
More than the eye can see
Holding the lanterns high, while we
Sink with our vanity

Here we are holding on
Guess we’re just holding on
Baby we’re holding on
To the world

Now I’m gonna love you
Like the spring bursts from the ground
Unfurling from the ground
Unfurling from the ground

Faces of buildings, trees
All that is stone, inert
Here in these empty streets, well it
Silently does assert
That we are just passing ghosts, honey
Vapors of joy and hurt

And here we are holding on
Baby we’re holding on
Yes we’re just holding on
To the world
Here we are holding on
Baby we’re holding on
Here we are holding on
Yes we’re just holding on
Here we are holding on
Baby we’re holding on
Guess we’re just holding on to the world.

Metacognition: Poetry

This week we started the poetry unit and began the task of writing our own poetry. For the past few days I've had a phrase stuck in my head, and I didn't know where it came from or why it was there. But today when we were sitting in class listening to TED and the mocking bird poem, I suddenly realized that I had been fixated on the beginning of a poem. As quickly as I could, I wrote down the sentence and then my thoughts just took off. I felt like I couldn't stop writing, and soon my poem was finished.  

After I read through my poem, I thought about Mr. Allen's quote "To what degree do I understand that which I am about to reject". I realized that I had been too quick to disregard this idea that had been stuck in my head because I hadn't taken the time to understand it, I couldn't comprehend how it could have any significance to any part of my life. Instead, I was just getting annoyed by how fixated my brain seemed to be on it. If I had just realized that my subconscious was trying to give me a creative idea I could have been finished with my poem earlier, but no. I chose to be stubborn and reject my own creativity because I wasn't sure how to understand it. 

As I continued to think about it, I realized that I do this a lot.  On multiple occasions I have had an idea or a word or a theme stuck in my head but I have completely disregarded it because I figured that it wasn't relevant to  any tasks at hand, and  I think that this may just be part of my creative process. I think that my subconscious creates ideas to complete a project and then once the rest of my mind recognizes it, it is processed until the project is finished. Unfortunately, this probably isn't the best strategy because it often leads to frustration and writers block. But at the same time I think that it also allows for huge revelations, which in my opinion is the most important part of learning. If you aren't making any personal discoveries, then you aren't really learning. You are just going through the process and having information thrust upon you, rather than absorbing information. My creative process is what enabled me to join academy, and hopeful it is good enough to take me a great deal farther throughout the rest of my life.

Best of the week: Brains and gender.

This week in class Mr. Allen showed us the book The Essential Difference by Simon Baron-Coen. The book discussed the differences between the male and female brains as well as the idea that females can have male brains and vice-a-verse. It stated that male brains are more logical and systematic while female brains are more empathetic. After hearing this, my question was: Why do they need to be called male and female brains? Now, I realize that the author had done studies that showed males as having, in general, one type of brain and females another, but the book even went on to explain that there are exceptions to these rules. For instance, it said that people who suffer from autism tend to have male brains regardless of their biological sex. If there are crossovers between the types of brains then why can't they just be classified by their types? Why can't the brains just be called systematic and empathetic rather than male and female? I think that by labeling the brains by sex we are closing off our view of the bigger picture and limiting ourselves to old stereotypes.
For me,this book also brought up the question: What about transgender people? I was curious to know if the author thought a man who chose to present himself as a female would have a female or male brain. Assuming that the author said a female brain, the question could be raised: What about people like Temple Grandin? She had autism and the author would probably say she also had a male brain, but while temple did in fact have an androgynous style, there has never been evidence that she felt she were a man. In fact, some studies have shown that transgender people actually have a different brain from that of both males and females. I would love to know then, what the author categorized their brain as being, if he even believed such a thing were true.  
In class this past week we also talked about the idea of gender versus sex and the interrelation between the two. The class seemed pretty split between some people believing that your sex is your biology while your gender is what you choose to represent yourself as and some saying that sex and gender are the same thing. Personally, I agree with the first group of people. You should be able to choose what and who you want to be, if you feel that your gender is female even though your sex is male then by all means be a female. The world has never been destroyed by people expressing who they truly are, if anything it as been enriched by it. One example of this is that in Washington, D.C. they are starting to run ads that support transgenders living in their community. In the end, people will always have their own opinions, but who cares?  Be who you want to be and do what makes you happy, regardless of what society, your biological sex, or even your brain type tells you.

Captured thought: Do we create the things we need?

About a week ago, I was reading an article which presented the theory that the characters of Ferris and Sloane in Ferris Bueller's day off were figments of Cameron's imagination. The author suggested that Ferris represented the man Cameron wished he could be, popular, lucky, easy going, and Sloane was the woman he wanted/needed in his life. Based on Cameron's outburst in his fathers car and a majority of his mannerisms, it can be deduced that his character was suffering from some major mental health disorders. Looking at the movie this way completely changes the theme and message, but the author argued that this may not be such a bad thing. If we see the characters as somewhat of a mental crutch that Cameron creates to help him overcome a challenge, then the movie becomes more powerful and raises more questions for discussion.

After reading the article I sort of pondered over what is said but as days passed I forgot about it and the message became nestled somewhere in the back of my brain. Then one day when we were sitting in class talking about Orlando, the concept of memories was brought up, which reminded me of the brain, which reminded me of the article. I remembered Mr. Allen commenting that Virginia Woolf had suffered from depression and other mental disorders, when suddenly something clicked. What if Virginia Woolf had created Orlando to express a part of herself she couldn't otherwise or to deal with something she wasn't sure how to handle? Until now, Orlando had been just a book for me, a wonderfully fantastic book that was doing far more than simply holding my interest, but a book none the less. With the introduction of this new theory, the book became so much more, it became personal. 

Do our minds create the things we need to persevere?  Do we seek people with qualities we lack? Do we select things to fill our gaps? After thinking about both of the previously mentioned examples I decided that the answer to all of these questions is yes. More so though, I hoped and wanted the answer to be yes. When we think of things as being a sort of diary for the creator or a tool to fix what they believe to be broken, so much is added to what we are able to perceive. By understanding that everything around us meant so much more to someone else, it can then mean more to us and in the end this will help us discover more than ever thought possible.